One of the greatest challenges we have as parents is deciding how to raise our children. With the amount of studies and options we have- sometimes it's hard to choose which methods will work best. We all want our kids to turn out okay, but what will get them there?
There is no single answer to this. Every child is different, therefore there can not be one single parenting style that will work fir everyone. I have decided on a few things that I prefer, and I feel they will have positive results in the future.
1. I am anti-spanking.
For my child that is. I just don't see the point. How will harming my child change anything? There are a number of studies that spanking may do more harm than good, and I agree! My husband is on board with this as well.
2. I'm trying to find an alternative to time-outs.
I have used time-outs, but after looking into it further I'm starting to lean against it. Instead of shunning my child and leaving him alone when he does something wrong, I'd like to engage critical thinking, apologies, and calming techniques. I'd like to teach him to say WHY he behaved a certain way and try to encourage alternative solutions for the future. This method may work better in the long run.
I also want to try a "calm spot" where he can go and relax. I'm going to make a glitter jar and have calming items nearby. We will use it together until he is old enough to understand.
3. I do not use cry-it-out
I have never used it. I have never felt comfortable with it. If he is really crying I have always felt it's for a reason. Even if it's fear or loneliness, I want him to grow up knowing I'll always be there for him.
Basically- I feel that by being there for him, being positive, and using positive reinforcement, he will feel secure and know that I will always be here when he needs me.
I will add that I do not judge others and their methods- so long as the child is safe, and not a victim of abuse or neglect.
What parenting styles do you use?
-SC
I couldn't agree more! We do use timeouts at home but not the solitary kind. One of of us, or both, stays right with her in the designated spot and do exactly what you also do - communicate with critical thinking! Explain why what she did was wrong, how it made others feel, the significance of an apology, etc. How can we expect them to learn if we cut them off completely? I feel that would just teach resentment, which could lead to FURTHER outbursts/misbehavior.
ReplyDeleteAs for spanking, I could not agree more with you. My personal thinking has nothing to do with studies and statistics where spanking is concerned. I just think of it in basics. By spanking, hitting, or using any kind of aggression towards your child you are teaching them that anger and violence is an acceptable means of solving a problem. And I don't find that okay in any way, shape, or form. There are plenty of other means of discipline that get the point across as well, and better in my opinion.
So basically I'm saying I agree with you, and way to kick-ass as a mum. :)
Thank you!
DeleteOur decision to not spank originated from us not wanting to use physical force at all- and not feeling comfortable with the idea of it. You're right too, I think it absolutely shows that aggression is "okay" which is not a message we want to send!
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